Monday, June 18, 2018

Taoist Newbie Vs Gambler (新手道士与赌徒)

It is not a surprised to understand that a new comer to the world of magic would like to try out his latest acquired magical knowledge on whatever occasion he encounters.

My pals, Eric and James were fans of Maoshan magic and we studied under an old Maoshan Taoist in Kajang many years back. My gang used to organize so-called ghost hunting trips across the Peninsular Malaysia just to 'test' our newly acquired Taoist rituals in the name to save the world.

One evening after we had our dinner, Eric pulled me aside and said that he wanted to ask for lucky numbers from a notoriously haunted grave in the middle of Kwont Tong Cemetery in KL. But Eric was afraid to go alone and he figured that I could accompany him since my magic is more 'powerful'.

Since asking for lucky numbers from pregnant spirit is straightly forbidden by our master, so we were to do it quietly and secretly; not even our best pal, James had any knowledge of our secret mission.

The best time to ask for lucky numbers is at 12 midnight and in the dark. So, both of us started our travel from Petaling Jaya to Bukit Petaling around 10 pm on an old Honda 70 with some offerings and incense.

We reached the said grave at around 11:30pm and we hastily arrange the offerings. Due to the fear of attracting attentions of public, we performed the ritual in the dark under candlelight. 

After spending about 30 minutes chanting mantras to beg the pregnant spirit to bestow us with fortune, I sat down beside the grave stone and lid a cigarette while Eric tied up the place.

Just as when I was taking puffs, suddenly I was hit by a small pebble. I thought it must be the work of the pregnant ghost who dislike us disturbing her peace. So I hurriedly changed a location and continued to take my puffs.

Not long after that, another pebble flew towards me with a near missed. Thinking that it might be the pregnant ghost that were seeking revenge, Eric and I took out a piece of fishing net to blanket over both of us.

It was believed that pregnant ghost cannot penetrate a fishing net. We thought it was lucky for us to have it with us or our lives flied.

Just as when we were rolling our bodies under the net, we heard a very familiar voice came from a near distance: "Damn it! I thought I saw a ghostly orb flew from right side of that haunted grave to the left but it vanished after I threw two empowered stones at it and it suddenly vanished!"

Then I realized that I was holding the half burnt secret in my hands. Immediately, I threw the burning cigarette away. And the voice came out again: "Wow! This light orb must be the powerful notorious pregnant ghost. It can even survive my magic pebbles! Now take my 5 thunder palm (五雷掌)..."

There was another rounds of chanting of very familiar mantras of 5 thunder palm... All of a sudden, I realized that the voice was that of the Jame's. Apparently, James was also in the cemetery to show off to his friends.

I tugged Eric's sleeve and hinted him to wriggle our way back to our motorcycle and returned to our rented house quietly.

Two hours later, James returned with his girlfriend. I could even hear his voice bragging how powerful his magic had became. I was lying in the sofa reading newspaper when the couple entered the living room.

As soon as James saw me, he yelled excitedly: "Hey Liew! I finally defeated the notorious pregnant ghost of the Kwong Tong Cemetery with my 5 thunder palm! I must tell the master about it tomorrow!"

I turned my head at him and said: "Yeah, yeah, yeah! So you have mastered the most powerful magic of our master..."

Of course, I dared not tell him that it was Eric and I and not the pregnant ghost!

And for the lucky numbers? None of us dared to bid as it was: 9413 which stands for '9 deaths and only 1 lives'...

Monday, June 11, 2018

The Conjuration of 'Pains'

I can understand how much trouble an overzealous magic student can bring to a guru now after being chased after by so many folks for more magic rituals.

The same thing happened to me way back when I was learning Maoshan magic.

My guru was staying in Kajang then and I was in Subang Jaya sharing the upper floor of a shop lot with a few of my factory coworkers. Since I was learning Maoshan magic, I took a small room to keep my magical stuffs.

I used to travel from Subang Jaya to Kajang once or twice every week to learn how to keep ghosts and other weird rituals. After a while, my master had ran out of rituals to teach me but I continued to bug him for more as I somehow thought he has reserved some super secret knowledge from me.

After some bugging, during one of my visits to this guru; he finally admitted that he did keep a very secret ritual from me but this ritual could be life threatening. I was certainly very thrilled to hear and begged him to tell me more.

And the master said: "Please do this ritual... Go to the middle of the living room at 12 midnight with your ritual sword and bell. Then, violently shake the sword and bell for 30 seconds. After that, you must walk 3 circles counterclockwise. Finally, you must shout out as loud as you can: COME OUT!! COME OUT!! You will be besieged by a very violent force and you are warned!"

I thanked my guru and returned home with full of eagerness...

I decided to try out the ritual the next night and followed what my guru told me...

By my third shout of 'COME OUT', true enough my housemates who were in their rooms rushed out and walloped me nicely leaving me with their words:

"Are you possessed by demon or you are simply insane asking us to 'come out' to see you standing in the living room doing nothing?"

Luckily for me, my pals didn't really strike me intentionally but only cursing with four letter words...

You must laugh at me but when a person is too engrossed with magical matters, there could be no reasoning. Unfortunately a person must find out the hard way... And, I must thank my guru for an unforgettable lesson. 

Of course, I never return to my guru in Kajang again. Not that I hate him so much, but he has really nothing to offer but asking for high fees.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Haunted By...

This is an interesting real story and you will never have guessed of the outcome of the story I can assure you...

Many people ask me to audit their new houses once they have made a deal with the housing developer or the owner of the house. Eric came to me to make an appointment to audit his newly acquired house.

Since the purchase agreement was made orally, Eric didn't has the key as yet. So he asked the seller, Albert to open the gate for us to enter.

On entering the house, I opened up my compass and took some readings. After walking inside the house for 20 minutes or so, Eric, Albert and me sat in the living room and I started to read my findings...

Before I could finished my analysis, Albert barged in and proclaimed:

"Master Liew! You are wrong! This house is haunted by two ghosts! My 3 year old boy told me that he saw two men by the air-conditioner...

You know, my family has a history of being able to 'see' ghosts. And a 3 year old kid would not tell lies... I went to a famous temple nearby and the 'tangki' (medium) confirmed that there are not only two male spirits but more!

I paid the tangki MYR360 dollars to come to perform exorcism ritual but after the ritual, my son still said that the two men are still by the air-conditioner!

So, I hired another 'bomoh' (shaman) to come. The shaman said that there are indeed two ghosts sent by my enemy to curse me. He asked for MYR1000 to perform the exorcism and yet my son still said that he could see the two men...

Later, I went to an Indian temple worshiping Goddess Kali. The caretaker asked me to sacrifice one male goat and smear the blood around this house. I paid MYR2000 for the service. And yet, my son said both of the men are still by the air-conditioner...

Finally, my uncle asked a famous Feng Shui master from Taiwan and in less than 5 minutes, he proclaimed that the house is unsuitable to stay. The best way is to move out. I paid him MYR5000..."

"How much did you sell for the house?" I interrupted Albert.

Albert stunned for a moment and replied: "MYR450k..."

"You know it is difficult to sell a famous haunted house once the news spread out... And I supposed good luck to the new owner..." Albert shrugged and veered at Eric.

Now Eric became agitated and rose his voice: 

"Master Liew, tell me honestly about your findings!"

I shrugged and said: "The worst effect of the house is that it will cause some quarrel and fights... and MYR450k for a semi-detach house in Penang? Worth it!"

Now I turned to Albert and said: "I cannot find any ghosts here. Can you call your son to point them out to me? I can do a free service to remove them."

Albert nodded and we made another appointment to visit the place the next morning.

First thing in the morning, Albert, Eric, the child and me were again in the living room.

I squat down and asked the child: "Can you see the 2 ghosts now?"

The child shook his head innocently and said: "Not ghosts uncle! Two men!!" 

Albert's son immediately ran towards the air-conditioner and pointed at a sticker printed with Mario Brothers. He said: "These two men uncle!"

"So your previous house is haunted by Mario Brothers!?" I turned my back and veered at Albert.

Albert's face immediately turned from pale to green and then to flush red. He yelled at Eric:

"I wanna to cancel the agreement to sell this house! It should worth MYR850k at least!"

The two men started to quarrel and then some pushing happened. Before things gotten out of the hands, I went out to asked some neighbors to help to separate the guys.

Later, I half dragged Eric into my car and told him: "See, I told you that the house will cause some quarrel!"

I have not met Eric or Albert since the incident but I heard they brought the case to the court and it may drag on for years...

Would you believe that a house can be haunted by Mario Brothers?