Friday, August 24, 2018

A Forgotten Old Grave (被遗忘了的古坟)

There is a centennial old grave located on the slope opposite the Taiping Esplanade Field just beside Lake Gardens. If I have not pointed it out to you, you are likely to have missed it. I don't know if it is still there but I it was still there when I revisit the place a few years ago.

My gambler friend Chong has had a fairly unforgettable experience with the dweller of this old tomb unfortunately or fortunately speaking because after this experience, Chong vowed not to ask for lucky numbers again. The most delighted one is of course, Mrs. Chong herself.

Before Chong's dramatic change, he was one of those many die hard fans of asking for lucky numbers in the most scary and haunted place at the weirdest hours where no one dares to attempt. He even tried the bamboo ritual on a decease pregnant lady's tomb and almost lost his life. 

Well, what made Chong changed his mind? Hold your horses and let me continue with this story...

After Chong has exhausted all available means for getting an accurate number prediction, he approached this century old grave with some food offerings at the dead of the night. Since Esplanade Field is a public place and it is visited by many visitors during the day time. The most probable time is obviously at night.

So said, Chong parked his car by the grave so that his car will block him from passing cars which were very far and between.

After the setup was readied, Chong said to the tomb stone: "Good spirit, good brother; please give me as 'cun' (accurate) number. I will transfer your grave to a better place if I wind first prize..."

Following the seemingly insincere short prayer, Chong took out a container filled with some paper shreds marked by some numbers. Soon a series of numbers fell out from the container and Chong was extremely happy as those numbers were his lucky numbers.

Chong boasted to me about those lucky numbers he got from the old grave. He instigated me to join in to raise capital for betting the lucky numbers. Since I am not into gambling, I declined but wished him luck.

Two weeks later, I saw Chong again in the company canteen. He wasn't looking too happy. So I started the chatter box: "Hey, Chong! Have you stricken rich yet? Where is your Mercedes? Do you need a driver, I am looking for a job you know?"

Chong gave me a fiercely stare and said snappily: "Damn the old ghost! It made me lost $3000! I wanna seek revenge... Do you have any ideas what to do?"

Half jokingly, I said: "Ghosts are afraid of warm pee and pull. You can pee and pull on the grave if you dare! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Chong gave me another disbelieve stare but he said no more.

I didn't see Chong for a few days but the news of he fell sick reached me. So I visited him after my work...

Chong was lying in his bed lethargic, Mrs. Chong came to greet me. While his wife was away attending to kids, Chong grabbed my collar and yelled: "You *&#%%!! I did what you said and this is what I get..."

Apparently Chong really went to pee and pull on the old grave. Now he cannot pee through his penis and pull through his ass hole as both places seemed to have shut tight or being blocked by something... The doctors couldn't find any reasons but they suggested to dig a hole in Chong's stomach to let the pee and pull out. That suggestion has really scared the living daylight of poor Chong.

I could understand Chong's pain as man's 'front tail' is also a place of enjoyment so long as the stimulation is from outside. On the other hand, if the stimulation occurs inside; then this would mean unbearable acute pain.

Knowing the seriousness of Chong's problem and before he has additional rubber hose in his stomach, I went to the old grave with some offerings and promised the spirit that Chong will personally come to apologize to it once he is well.

On that night, Chong later told me that he was visited by an old man scolded him for peeing and pulling on him. Chong knew that the old man was not human so he kept apologizing until he was awakened by a series of long farts followed by the urge of going to toilet.

Chong seemed to have a complete recovery the next morning even the doctors couldn't explain what has taken place. Of course, that will be the secret between Chong and me, and now you!


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