Wednesday, March 23, 2016

No Place To Go (情归何处?)

Planning for funeral service for some rich and famous guy is no easy task especially if the deceased’s family members are of various religious believes. There is a joke within funeral service community concerning funeral of a rich person happened some time ago in Ipoh:

Uncle Lee suffered from stroke and kicked the bucket a few months later. His 3 sons gathered to plan for their late dad’s funeral service. His elder son who is a follower of Taoism started to say:

“Since I am the eldest, I will make the call… I want dad’s funeral service in Taoist style!”

The second son who is an ardent Buddhist followed:

“I want dad to go to the Pure Land free from cycles of birth and rebirth!”

The third son who is a Christian then said:

“I want dad to go to heaven; so he should have a Christian funeral service!”

The three brothers argued for one night and finally a consensus was made: first a Taoist ritual, then a Buddhist and finally a Christian funeral service. All of them thought that decision was an amicable solution and their dad can have the best of the three worlds.

So, on the first night Taoists were summoned to perform the ritual and they sang:

“Uncle Lee! Please proceed to the eastern heaven to enjoy your status of immortal!”

They sang for the whole night and finally the lead Taoist said to the eldest son:

“That will be $3,800. Thank you.”

On the second night, a group of Buddhist monks were summoned and they sang:

“Uncle Lee! Please proceed to the western Pure Land to enjoy your benefits!”

The monks sang for the whole night and the lead monk said to the second son:

“That will be $3,800. Thank you.”

Finally on the third night, a group of clerical staffs were invited to sing hymn and they said:

“Uncle Lee! Please rest in peace until the day of judgment.”

After some hymns and praises, the lead person said to the third son:

“Please donate $1,000 to the church’s fund. Thank you.”

On the fourth day, as when Uncle Lee’s coffin was to be sent to the crematory, suddenly good old Mrs. Lee suddenly possessed by Uncle Sam. Before everyone could open his/her mouth to ask. Mrs. Lee started to scold:

“Wah lau eh! You guys want to kill my old bones ah? First you ask me to go to the Eastern Heaven. Then you ask me to go to the Western Pure Land… before I can touch my buttock on the lotus seat… you ask me to return to my coffin and RIP!?”

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