Two Buddhist Jokes

There are many cynical jokes about gurus and monks being circulated within the Buddhist circles. The below two are my favourites just for sharing purposes. I don’t encourage anyone to try them and I won’t be responsible on any consequences should you try it on your guru or monk.

 

Joke 1

 

Have you ever been caught in this type of situation face to face with a monk and the only answer you get is “O MI TO FO” or “Nomo Amitabah Buddhaya”? Well, listen to the below joke:

 

I visited a senior monk to handle him some fund collected during a dharma talk.

 

Me: “O MI TO FO” (herein OMTF for short).

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “Sifu. How are you doing?”

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “Have you had your meal yet?”

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “I heard you aren’t well…”

Monk: “OMTF.”

…

(After a while I stood up, turned my back and walk towards the exit.)

Monk (a little surprised): “What are you doing?”

Me: “OMTF.”

Monk: “Where’s my money?!”

Me: “OMTF.”

Monk (panic now): “No joking please!”

Me: “OMTF. The OMTF will give you the money…”

 

So what happened to the money? I tugged it into the temple’s donation box!

 

Joke 2

My guru was lecturing the committee members about theory of emptiness and I was about to offer some food stuffs and money…

 

Master: “You all must understand everything is essentially ‘empty’…”

Master: “… So in tantric ritual, we use imagination to offer to our deity…”

(After a while)

Committee: “Yes. Master thank you for your teaching.”

(Now each committee members start to offer offerings to master and it is soon my turn…)

Master: “Are you bringing something for me?”

Me: “Are you sure that we can use imagination to offer to our deities?”

Master: “Yes.”

(I took out my stuffs and swing them left and right in front of the master)

Me: “Imagine the stuffs in front of you and turn them into billions of dollars…”

Master: “…”

 

(You should see his face turned from pale to red and dark red…)

 

Anyway, joking on holy people is no good. Very bad for karma! So be warned. Hahaha...