Saturday, July 5, 2014

Two Buddhist Jokes

There are many cynical jokes about gurus and monks being circulated within the Buddhist circles. The below two are my favourites just for sharing purposes. I don’t encourage anyone to try them and I won’t be responsible on any consequences should you try it on your guru or monk.

Joke 1

Have you ever been caught in this type of situation face to face with a monk and the only answer you get is “O MI TO FO” or “Nomo Amitabah Buddhaya”? Well, listen to the below joke:

I visited a senior monk to handle him some fund collected during a dharma talk.

Me: “O MI TO FO” (herein OMTF for short).

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “Sifu. How are you doing?”

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “Have you had your meal yet?”

Monk: “OMTF.”

Me: “I heard you aren’t well…”

Monk: “OMTF.”

(After a while I stood up, turned my back and walk towards the exit.)

Monk (a little surprised): “What are you doing?”

Me: “OMTF.”

Monk: “Where’s my money?!”

Me: “OMTF.”

Monk (panic now): “No joking please!”

Me: “OMTF. The OMTF will give you the money…”

So what happened to the money? I tugged it into the temple’s donation box!

Joke 2

My guru was lecturing the committee members about theory of emptiness and I was about to offer some food stuffs and money…

Master: “You all must understand everything is essentially ‘empty’…”

Master: “… So in tantric ritual, we use imagination to offer to our deity…”

(After a while)

Committee: “Yes. Master thank you for your teaching.”

(Now each committee members start to offer offerings to master and it is soon my turn…)

Master: “Are you bringing something for me?”

Me: “Are you sure that we can use imagination to offer to our deities?”

Master: “Yes.”

(I took out my stuffs and swing them left and right in front of the master)

Me: “Imagine the stuffs in front of you and turn them into billions of dollars…”

Master: “…”

(You should see his face turned from pale to red and dark red…)

Anyway, joking on holy people is no good. Very bad for karma! So be warned. Hahaha...

No comments:

Post a Comment