Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Magic Of Frying (炒的妙用)

A friend wants to know the story of ‘frying sand’ but I can do better…

Obviously, no one would ‘fry sand’ for nothing. It is actually a local belief that if someone is the victim of a theft and that footprints of the thief can be found on the ground; then some of the sands/soils from the footprint can be collected and then fried in a wok. As the footprint sand/soil is getting heated in the wok, so is the body of the thief. If the stolen items are not returned to their rightful owner, then the thief will be fried to dead. Provided of course, the person can be 100% sure those footprints are indeed those of the thief’s.

In the past, people who kept Toyol (another form of kid spirit) would first fry a wok of green beans and then planted them under their house staircase. After that the Toyol shall be ordered to watch over the fried beans until they germinated. Of course, none of those fried beans can germinate. So, this poor Toyol will be keep watching forever! My thought is that if a Toyol is so stupid, then it may be dangerous to ask them to work for us as well.

The other frying magics are more related to us, the human.

First of all, there is the ‘stir fry of cooked vegetables’ (炒回锅菜) magic. The power of this magic can make an old matter heated up again. But when it is being used too often, then the magic will lose its magic. So, beware!

Another frying magic is often being used by our politicians to make a small matter big. This form of frying magic is known as ‘frying drama’ (炒作). Of course, our mass medias and social medias are masters of this field. Whatever minute matters can be ‘fried’ until they became the dooms day matter.

A Chinese chef’s greatest magic is to ‘fry big’ (大炒). This form of magic will turn even the commonest raw foods into mouth-watering delicacies. This form of magic can be very profitable if and only if you can master the tricks. So, with your wok; you can really walk the world! I would encourage everyone to at least get his/her hands dirty. This is the best money magic I have ever known. Highly recommended!

Needless to mention, the most destructive form of frying magic is the ‘frying squid’ (炒鱿鱼). The origin of this magic as I was told is when a piece of squid is fried, it will roll up. Hence this rolling power will cause whoever being yelled at with the magical mantra: “You are fired!!” will automatically roll out of the person’s sight. Sadly speaking, not everyone is qualified to cast this form of magic unless you are the boss so to speak. When you have the power, it is very easy to cast the ‘frying squid’ magic. But please be compassion about the victim of this ‘frying squid’ magic for whoever is hit by this magic may faint, panic, become crazy or for weaker once; death maybe resulted.

On the other hand, the stronger ones would cast the anti-frying-squid magic by chanting the mantra: “I fire you first” for Easterners; or simply “I quit!” for Westerners. Whichever mantra you choose to use will be fine too. If you have casted the counter frying-squid magic like me; then you shall have a moment of peaceful mind and enjoyed life like me. Provided then you do not need to worry about your cash reserves too… Ha! Ha! Ha! Eat your hearts out!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Mr Liew,
    Thank you for re-posting the above. I was a victim of house burglary. For the future I'd like to know and act immediately to get my stolen items back.

    - How is the method to be practised to get my stolen possessions to be returned?

    - How long do we need to fry the sand?

    - What do we need to say/chant?

    - How many days do we need to do it for?

    - Is there a particular/best time to do it? Does daytime or night time matter?

    - Does it need to be fried using an actual flame? Is electric stove alright?

    - Does the sand need to be stirred in the wok during the frying?

    - Are there any other requirements?

    I would appreciate it if you can privately reply to my email:

    Thank you very much.